Three years after and the pain still lingers. Whenever this day come, I could always recall the days and the hours leading to her passing. But I also remember vividly the morning after the day she died. Morning rituals were about making her porridge, crushing her medicine tablets finely to be mixed in her water, turning her from side to side, changing her clothes or bathing her. The realization that we would never be doing that anymore was the most painful. It confirmed that she was finally gone. Then it made me realize all the things she always did that I would miss, that everything I will have from that point on were her memories.
For now, in respect to the amazing woman who helped me turned out the person I become, here are the lessons I (and my siblings) learned from her. I'll probably be doing this in installment, year after year. I still have to share the proper ways to do stuff like how to iron clothes and which parts to pay attention to, among others. Or, maybe I should write a book: The Girl In Ripped Jeans: Lessons From Matilde. Hah! Her name sounds grand, eh? :)
1. She taught us good manners and grace.
My grandmother was all about good manners and right conduct. She was stern in imposing that we should behave in public. Whenever she brought us to someone's house, it was a rule to sit still and never touch the home owner's things, unless with permission. She taught me and my siblings to be courteous to the elders, performing our customary greeting whenever and wherever we met them. Being children who were playful and committed mistakes every now and then, whether unconsciously or to test her patience, we knew when we were due for a reprimand. She managed to convey her displeasure even when we did not look at her, being guilty and all we could feel her body turning rigid, lips tightening and eyes boring holes into us. She took us anywhere with her that minding our manners in her presence became a must. Her training paid off. She and grandfather were often told how well-behaved we were. I felt them being proud of us. I knew they were proud of us because they were vocal about it. But truthfully, I was more proud of having them, helping our parents raised us and I was proud of being their granddaughter. Until now my heart still swells with pride for the legacy she left us. Something we would always be grateful for, my siblings and I.
2. She taught us to listen.
We were never allowed to interrupt in older people's conversation. She was firm that if we needed to speak we ask for permission. Since we tagged along wherever she went, and mostly she went to friends and relatives who were around her age, there was really nothing for us to do but sat still, listened with eyes darting everywhere and silently wishing for them to finish their chitchat and go home.
As we grew up, we were contributing to their mature discussion. But she taught us to listen first before we cut in for our inputs.
3. She taught us to be kind to others.
I remember my grandmother was someone whom anyone could turn to whenever they need help, money or service. When someone needed money, she lent them hers. When she had no spare cash to lend, she pawned her jewelry for them. Or when someone asked her to act as guarantor, she readily agreed. Her good reputation was some sort of assurance that the borrower would never be turned down by the lender. Her house was always open to anyone who asked for her help. Her house was always welcoming to anyone who needed warmth and food.
Not only was she compassionate to people. Her kindness extended to animals, even to dangerous creature like snakes, letting them go when she encountered them while gardening. She said "kindness begets kindness". She firmly believed that even animals could sense it.
4. She taught us to take care of family.
She was always around for anyone who needed her. She called long distance on special occasions without fail, letting us know we mattered. That was one thing we missed the most when she was gone. No more calls on our birthdays, Christmases and New Years.
She did not like us calling our siblings names (though we were just poking fun at each other). "Blood should take care of their own blood and should not shame them", she said.
5. She taught us to laugh at life.
Not that she was one cool grandmother who got along well with our playfulness. It's the other way around. My grandmother was serious in life. She was not good at making jokes nor tolerant of one thrown at her. I wished she laughed more and that's one reason for me to embrace life with joy despite the challenges that come my way.
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