This morning as I was waking up, Pharrell William's "Happy" crept in my consciousness. I did not know where it came from because I stopped liking that song for few months now.
A little backstory here. "Happy" was like my soundtrack last year (2014), from the moment I heard it until the third quarter of the year. At that time, my "light" just dimmed. Slowly, everything that supposedly kept my happy spirit burning just went off. The songs that made me dance, quotes that inspired me, people that made me laugh... they ceased to exist. I was in a black hole, alone. That's what I felt, at least. I don't know if I was depressed. I never knew the definition of depression, and even now, I refused to define it and connect it to sadness. Anyway, "Happy" kind of connected me to that period in my past. And feeling that way, "Happy" sounded like a mockery to my emotional and mental state. It's not that I disliked it intentionally. It just happened. I loathed hearing it. It reminded me of people, events and feelings I wanted to move on from.
The song came with a feeling of peace, that I had it on repeat for the whole morning to keep the vibe going.
I should have known that was the "eye of the storm". But I never knew how and what it connected to, until I was/am in the storm. Lol. The last time I felt an uncanny peace was two months ago -- that day, that moment -- before I realized my wallet that contained my identification cards, money and mementos from friends, was lost. That kind of feeling you get when someone hugs you before your turn in a contest or before taking an entrance exam that says "whatever happens, you are going to be fine"? That's the kind of peace I have had, something that just happened without an effort from my part. I don't know if you (by you i meant whoever reads my blog, lol) ever had that?
When you are in tune with your emotions, you learn to read that they are associated to the events that will happen later. Some can be signs to something dreadful that will occur, which could send you into agitation but could arouse the carefulness in you at the same time. Warning signals, I should say. Sometimes, you feel that something just shifted in the universe and all the planets aligned to bring you good news. Obviously, I'm talking from experience. Lol. (I have this theory that everything in the world connects. Although some things that are happening may not seem related if you look at them one by one, but if you look at them in the bigger picture, they are effect from a ripple, or part of the ripple you created or someone's ripple. So, what happens in the world's unseen dynamic could and would send vibrations to the elements [and man is an element] that are part of its system that something is "stirring". And as human, you can sense the "stirring" from within you. But, I would rather have it as an electrical current in small voltage for a good jolt. That would obviously tell me I have something concrete to work on. Lol.) Anyway, I don't know if someone could relate to these? I do know too, that some have the tendency to over-read the signs and that everything in their lives depend on them, entirely forgetting critical thinking. So, be careful.
I have to say, emotions are not the be all end all of a situation. You cannot undo what you feel, but you can move on from it and do what's need to be done regarding the situation. Like now, the state of my laptop (i'm gonna cry again, wah!) would get in the way of my creative process. I have to save my files in the disks soon, before my laptop parts get dismembered (the part that connects the monitor and keyboard is in bad shape, maybe because someone dropped it and just afraid to own the shit, or its better days are over [insert sad emoticon]). I gotta be ready before this baby will bid me goodbye after five years. There is no such thing as forever. #Hugot
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