Lean In
Women, Work, And The Will To Lead
Sheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, is one of the career women that inspires me. She managed to wedge through the cutthroat tech environment dominated by males and made her mark. How she managed to balance her career and family life, she poured out in this book. Besides that, she's advocating for gender equality, active role of men at home, and betterment of women's lives around the world.
If you read the book, and I hope you will, you will find more important points being discussed. For now, here are my forty's:
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Fear is the root of so many of the barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure. And the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter.
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Lack of confidence can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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There is no perfect fit when you're looking for the next big thing to do. You have to take opportunities and make an opportunity fit for you, rather than the other way around. The ability to learn is the most important quality a leader can have.
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When a man is successful, he is liked by both men and women. When a woman is successful, people of both genders like her less.
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The desire to be liked by everyone would hold you back. When you want to change things, you can't please everyone. If you do please everyone, you aren't making progress.
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If you're offered a seat on a rocket ship, you don't ask what seat. You just get on.
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The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.
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The strongest relationships spring out of a real and often earned connection felt by both sides.
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The ability to listen is as important as the ability to speak.
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Being aware of a problem is the first step to correcting it.
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The upside of painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance.
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Being open to hearing the truth means taking responsibility for mistakes.
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Miscommunication is always a two-way street.
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Humor can be an amazing tool for delivering an honest message in a good-natured way.
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Sharing emotions builds deeper relationships. Motivation comes from working on things we care about. It also comes from working with people we care about. To really care about others, we have to understand them-what they like and dislike, what they feel as well as think. Emotion drives both men and women and influences every decision we make. Recognizing the role emotions play and being willing to discuss them make us better managers, partners, and peers.
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Seek and speak your truth.
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Rarely is there one absolute truth, so people who believe that they speak the truth are very silencing of others.
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When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated, and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.
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Even after finding the right guy-or gal-no one comes fully formed. Be careful about role definition in the beginning of a relationship. If a relationship begins in an unequal place, it is likely to get more unbalanced when and if children are added to the equation. Use the beginning of a relationship to establish the division of labor. If you want a fifty-fifty partnership, establish that pattern at the outset.
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A more equal division of labor between parents will model better behavior for the next generation.
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It is always worth the battle to change undesirable dynamic.
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Wonderful, sensitive men of all ages are out there. And the more women value kindness and support in their boyfriends, the more men will demonstrate it.
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The antiquated rhetoric of 'having it all' disregards the basis of every economic relationship: the idea of trade-offs. All of us are dealing with the constrained optimization that is life, attempting to maximize our utility based on parameters like careers, kids, relationships, etc., doing our best to allocate the resource of time. Due to the scarcity of this resource, therefore, none of us can 'have it all', and those who claim to are most likely lying.
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Women should learn from Icarus to aim for the sky, but keep in mind that we all have real limits.
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Trying to do it all and expecting that it all can be done exactly right is a recipe for disappointment. Perfection is the enemy.
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Done is better than perfect.
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Aiming for perfection causes frustration at best and paralysis at worst.
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Setting obtainable goals is key to happiness. Instead of perfection, we should aim for sustainable and fulfilling.
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If I have to embrace the definition of success, it would be that success is making the best choices we can... and accepting them.
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Whoever has power takes over the noun-and the norm- while the less powerful get an adjective.
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Talking can transform minds, which can transform behaviors, which can transform institutions.
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Shutting down discussion is self-defeating and impedes progress. We need to talk and listen and debate and refute and instruct and learn and evolve.
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Don't be afraid to ask.
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We cannot change what we are unaware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.
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Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.
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Equal opportunity is not equal unless everyone receives the encouragement that makes seizing those opportunities possible.
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There's a special place in hell for women who don't help
other women.
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The more women help one another, the more we help ourselves.
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Gender neither should magnify nor excuse rude and dismissive treatment. We should expect professional behavior, and even kindness, from everyone.
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One of the conflicts inherent in having choice is that we all make different ones. There is always an opportunity cost, and I don't know any woman who feels comfortable with all her decisions. As a result, we inadvertently hold that discomfort against those who remind us of the path not taken. Guilt and insecurity make us second-guess ourselves and, in turn, resent one another.
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