Thanks And No Thanks To John Green

He hurt my brain. He pushed me deeper into my introspection hole.

I was trying to think of relevant topics to write, something universal that should have a huge appeal to international readers, I came up short. My topics were mediocre in my opinion, if not too sappy or condescending. Everything is seemed to be discussed in the internet, how do you discuss a topic differently. Tsk. Plus, it did not appease my concern/insecurity (lol!) when I was reading a feature article by Bill Bryson for National Graphic, "The Essense of Provence", discussing, well, Provence, France. His words were curly and colorful. I have a long way to go with my vocabulary. But wait, saying his words were curly and colorful was not giving it justice. He was very descriptive in describing Provence. The place came alive in my mind, he transported me to the place and made me experience the culture and its climate or should I say, he brought Provence to where I was sitting at the moment. Soooo...

To rest my brain, I read Looking for Alaska. Reading (another genre) to rest from reading...BAD IDEA!

The love story didn't stick, because nothing happened. The girl had to die before the romance could happen. That could have been a temporary relief, instead JG had a different idea for his reader. Though it's very realistic, I still feel cheated. Lol.

How do you get out from the labyrinth of suffering? He posed that question for the main characters' finals in their Religion subject. It's also the over-all theme of the novel. It threw me into examining my own. Which led me to answer, I can't. There is no way out if I want to live still. Death is the only way out from suffering. Death, is the ultimate nirvana.

And he's referring about man as energy. That made sense, and it's pushing me further down the dark hole, with only myself to argue or discuss with. Lol. I don't have the energy to elaborate this. It involves too much of Physics. One shit at a time.

Also, there's the idea of microcosm of microcosm of microcosm- man being an organism with all his philosophy and stuff, is a world of his own; who belongs to a family which has set of values and rules and regulations which is also a world of its own; which belongs to a society, which belongs to a country which comprises the world and, the world as microcosm of a galaxy, which is a part of a universe and a universe is a part of an infinite possibility.

I have thought of an illustration of that. But, I couldn't find a perfect illustration of a man (I swear, no pun, lol), so until then...

Wait, so if you have the time in the world, and you just spend it thinking about things, you possibly could have a grand theory about something, right?

I have the weekend for that. Ta-ta for now. Enjoy yours, folks!

Why Men Love Bitches

       

          The word BITCH has a negative connotation loosely applied-by men and women alike-to women with vicious behavior and demean others. Think of the classic example of bitches in Mean Girls. They're the bunches you love and hate at the same time. But most of the time, they're the kind you stay away from.

          But in Why Men Love Bitches-a book by Sherry Argov-bitch is defined to a different context. She's described with the highest regard. As how Sherry Argov put it, she's the dream girl. The bitch she's describing is, according to her words:

"The woman I'm describing is kind yet strong. She has strength that ever is so subtle. She doesn't give up her life, and she won't chase a man. She knows what she wants but she won't compromise herself to get it. She has the ability to remain cool under pressure."

          And I was just quoting lines from her introduction. I tell you once you read the book you won't be able to put it down. Not only that it's an interesting read, but it also makes you assess yourself as you read along and makes you question if you're being "too nice", if you're a doormat, or if you're the dream girl. Which category do you belong? I had many "Aha!" moments as I read it. What draws me to the book is that it resonates my philosophy of putting more value to one's self. Self-respect is very important. 

          I could go on and on because, obviously, I agree with her. Not only that it's a self-help book (by making a turn around from being a doormat to a dream girl), the book also talks about relationship. It's basically a guide book for a woman to hold her own in the relationship, derived from interviewing hundreds of men and women. Here are some of the matters she stretched in her book:

The most attractive quality of all is dignity

Truly powerful people don't explain why they want respect. They simply don't engage someone who doesn't give it to them. 

Be an independent thinker at all times, and ignore anyone who attempts to define you in a limiting way.

You can get away with saying much more with humor than you can with a straight face.

Once you start laughing, you start healing.

The ability to choose how you want to live, and the ability to choose how you want to be treated are the two things that give you more power than any material object ever will.

The relationship may not be right for you if you find yourself jumping through hoops. When something is right, it will feel easier and much more effortless.

Any time a woman competes with another woman, she demeans herself.

If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the bitch will prioritize her dignity above all else.

Anything a person chases in life runs away. 

          They are just ten out of the hundred principles discussed in the book. Grab a copy now!   

40 Quotes To Live By From Lean In

Lean In

Women, Work, And The Will To Lead

Sheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, is one of the  career women that inspires me. She managed to wedge through the cutthroat tech environment dominated by males and made her mark. How she managed to balance her career and family life, she poured out in this book. Besides that, she's advocating for gender equality, active role of men at home, and betterment of women's lives around the world.

If you read the book, and I hope you will, you will find more important points being discussed. For now, here are my forty's:

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Fear is the root of so many of the barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure. And the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter.

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Lack of confidence can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

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There is no perfect fit when you're looking for the next big thing to do. You have to take opportunities and make an opportunity fit for you, rather than the other way around. The ability to learn is the most important quality a leader can have.

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When a man is successful, he is liked by both men and women. When a woman is successful, people of both genders like her less.

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The desire to be liked by everyone would hold you back. When you want to change things, you can't please everyone. If you do please everyone, you aren't making progress.

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If you're offered a seat on a rocket ship, you don't ask what seat. You just get on.

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The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.

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The strongest relationships spring out of a real and often earned connection felt by both sides.

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The ability to listen is as important as the ability to speak.

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Being aware of a problem is the first step to correcting it.

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The upside of painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance.

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Being open to hearing the truth means taking responsibility for mistakes.

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Miscommunication is always a two-way street.

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Humor can be an amazing tool for delivering an honest message in a good-natured way.

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Sharing emotions builds deeper relationships. Motivation comes from working on things we care about. It also comes from working with people we care about. To really care about others, we have to understand them-what they like and dislike, what they feel as well as think. Emotion drives both men and women and influences every decision we make. Recognizing the role emotions play and being willing to discuss them make us better managers, partners, and peers.

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Seek and speak your truth.

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Rarely is there one absolute truth, so people who believe that they speak the truth are very silencing of others.

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When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated, and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.

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Even after finding the right guy-or gal-no one comes fully formed. Be careful about role definition in the beginning of a relationship. If a relationship begins in an unequal place, it is likely to get more unbalanced when and if children are added to the equation. Use the beginning of a relationship to establish the division of labor. If you want a fifty-fifty partnership, establish that pattern at the outset.

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A more equal division of labor between parents will model better behavior for the next generation.

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It is always worth the battle to change undesirable dynamic.

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Wonderful, sensitive men of all ages are out there. And the more women value kindness and support in their boyfriends, the more men will demonstrate it.

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The antiquated rhetoric of 'having it all' disregards the basis of every economic relationship: the idea of trade-offs. All of us are dealing with the constrained optimization that is life, attempting to maximize our utility based on parameters like careers, kids, relationships, etc., doing our best to allocate the resource of time. Due to the scarcity of this resource, therefore, none of us can 'have it all', and those who claim to are most likely lying.

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Women should learn from Icarus to aim for the sky, but keep in mind that we all have real limits.

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Trying to do it all and expecting that it all can be done exactly right is a recipe for disappointment. Perfection is the enemy.

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Done is better than perfect.

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Aiming for perfection causes frustration at best  and paralysis at worst.

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Setting obtainable goals is key to happiness. Instead of perfection, we should aim for sustainable and fulfilling.

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If I have to embrace the definition of success, it would be that success is making the best choices we can... and accepting them.

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Whoever has power takes over the noun-and the norm- while the less powerful get an adjective.

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Talking can transform minds, which can transform behaviors, which can transform institutions.

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Shutting down discussion is self-defeating and impedes progress. We need to talk and listen and debate and refute and instruct and learn and evolve.

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Don't be afraid to ask. 

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We cannot change what we are unaware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.

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Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.

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Equal opportunity is not equal unless everyone receives the encouragement that makes seizing those opportunities possible.

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There's a special place in hell for women who don't help 

other women.

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The more women help one another, the more we help ourselves.

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Gender neither should magnify nor excuse rude and dismissive treatment. We should expect professional behavior, and even kindness, from everyone.

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One of the conflicts inherent in having choice is that we all make different ones. There is always an opportunity cost, and I don't know any woman who feels comfortable with all her decisions. As a result, we inadvertently hold that discomfort against those who remind us of the path not taken. Guilt and insecurity make us second-guess ourselves and, in turn, resent one another.